DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
