i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
