She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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