Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize