Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
