i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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