I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
