This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
