the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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