If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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