He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's not a foreskin expert like you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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