Dude my mom stole all your condoms
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
