I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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