erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
