I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
