Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize