what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
