I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
