I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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