fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
