Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
