i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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