It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
