i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
