I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
