Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
