Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
