i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Randomize
