Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize