He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
