Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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