when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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