Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
