I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
