He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
