you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wear drunk well.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
