jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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