My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize