Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
