woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
