On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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