oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
