U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We had to coat check the pizza.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
