So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
