I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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