i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
