this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just googled if crying burns calories
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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