im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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