i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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