Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
