I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
