Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
