I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
They took my balls.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
