I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
