When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
