Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
