Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
