the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
