if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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