that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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