Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
