I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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