Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
