My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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