Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
