decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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